Division of Brother Excellence · Est. Nov 17, 1977
CASE №
Official DeterminationForm BB-01
Following an exhaustive investigation, this Bureau finds that
Howie is, beyond all reasonable doubt,
the BEST BROTHER EVER to Heidi,
and — per sworn parental testimony (Cicle & Momma, concurring) —
the FAVORITE SIBLING.
This ruling is final, binding, and frankly obvious.
Today's Mandatory Reminder
Bureau Statistics
—Days of Best-Brothering
100%Approval Rating*
0Valid Disputes Filed
Canine Advisory BoardVote: 5–0
🐕MarleyAYE
🐕DixieAYE
🐕NellieAYE
🐕🦺RooAYE
🐶PeteyAYE
The board has voted unanimously. Tap a board member for their official statement.
Parental TestimonySworn & Wagged Upon
CICLE (father): "They're both my favorites." WITNESS WAS SHOWN THE DOG VOTE AND REVISED HIS STATEMENT:
"Howie."
MOMMA: "I love them exactly equally and I refuse to choose." THE BUREAU NOTES SHE WAS HOLDING HOWIE'S BABY PHOTO AT THE TIME. FAVORITE SIBLING: CONFIRMED.
Official Sibling AuditHeidi v. Howie
Category
Heidi
Howie
Bureau Ruling
Born first
✓
—
The Bureau considers this showing off.
Best brother ever
—
✓
Uncontested. Literally no one else ran.
Favorite sibling
—
✓
Certified by Cicle AND Momma. Notarized. Laminated.
Taller (1983)
✓
—
Temporary. The Bureau regrets counting this.
Dog approval
0
5–0
Including her own three. Devastating.
Coolness, the 90s
?
?
Records sealed by mutual agreement.
Best sister ever
✓
—
Awarded sincerely. Do not tell her we said this.
Global Brother RankingsLive
1. HOWIE — 9,999 pts 2. [VACANT] 3. [VACANT] 4. [VACANT] 5. [VACANT — SAFETY BUFFER] 8,441. That guy from the insurance commercial — 12 pts
Supporting EvidenceExhibit A–∞
Press the button to review evidence from the case file.
Public Records RequestsFOIA
Documents requested by H. (sister):
• Evidence Heidi is the favorite child: ██████████████
• List of Howie's flaws: ████████████
• What Petey said off the record: ██████████
• Who broke that thing at Mom's: █████████████ TAP TO REQUEST DECLASSIFICATION
Appeals & DisputesForm NO-PE
Believe this ruling was made in error, Heidi? You may attempt to file a dispute below. Good luck.